So... my guidance counselor wants me to sit down on Thursday morning and tell all my teachers why I am behind in school. My guidance counselor wants me to tell four people that don't give a shit about WHY I am behind in school about things that only Ashley, Jessica, Kristi, Adam, and Kassy really know about. And half the things that are hard for me right now Kristi, Adam, and Kassy don't even know. So... I have to sit down, for half an hour and tell these people things about me that some of the people I feel closest to don't even know.
How am I supposed to feel about that? I don't talk about my feelings with people. EVER. Everything that almost EVERYONE sees is this stupid act that I put on so people won't ask me questions. This would be the person that I pretend to be at school, work, etc. I am not going to open my heart and break down my walls for four people who I will never see again after two months. What am I supposed to do??
Why should I tell them about all my family problems? Why should I tell them that I am literally afraid to move sometimes because I am so scared of losing someone else or having something else horrible happen? Why should I tell them that I have a father who is a monster and wants to hurt me and my family in any way he can? Why should I tell them that my Grandma died and I couldn't go say goodbye to her because my dad is such a horrible person that it wasn't an option for me? Why should I tell them that I can't sleep at night because all I do is worry about my mom, my brother, Ashley, school, and work? Why should I tell them that because of all that crap I am even more sick than I was to begin with? Why should I tell them that I am living in Hell on Earth?
Everyone tells me that I am letting him win. Everyone says that I need to get angry and show him that I am the person that they know I can be and shove my goodness in his face.. show him that he can't ruin my life. But HE IS MY DAD. How can your own father hurt you so badly and ENJOY it? I had forgiven him until I woke up yesterday morning and I had to have ANOTHER interview with ANOTHER person who wanted to know if I abuse my little brother?!?! I don't even kill spiders, let alone hit my brother.
What did I do to deserve all this? Why is it happening to me? When will it stop?
P.S. Kristi, I didn't mean to offend you with my last post. I wrote it because once again, my little brother hurt my mom by keeping things from her and protecting my dad (and helping him with this whole situation). I didn't mean it towards you, or any of my friends... although I did say "anyone". I should have been more specific so as not to upset anyone. Anyways, I am sorry... again. | 
